:/

For the first time in freaking forever, I think I'm kinda depressed.

Well, first of all, I got to school this morning and everything was fine until about an hour into World Geo. I got called into the office to see the guidance counselor. On the way there, I was pondering why... And immediately thought of the worst that could happen - A conflict between orchestra and Japanese, both onesie classes. When I got there and was ushered into the counselor's room after about a minute of waiting in one of those chairs around this random table in the guidance office with a bunch of other students doing homework, reading, and, in the case of the guy next to me, playing guitar. o-o

I sat down in the counselor's office, and, after reviewing what I assumed was my tentative next-year's schedule in a packet of papers on her desk, she dropped the news on me. "It looks like you have a conflict between Advanced Jazz Ensemble and... Japanese 2." she stated simply, looking up at me as if expecting an immediate answer. My jaw dropped. It wasn't an orchestra conflict, but it was about as bad. I had auditioned for Jazz 2, thinking it would be untouchable by schedule conflicts because of its spot during 7th period. But apparently some classes had been moved around, and so now 7th period Jazz 2 was 6th period instead, the same time as Japanese. 

I really want to take Jazz 2 because even though it came as a complete surprise when I found out I had gotten in to the group (which I hadn't planned on auditioning for until my friend insisted I try about a week before auditions), even though I had gone in to the audition thinking of it just like another chance to prepare for my infinitely more important Advanced Orchestra rehearsal. So when I was called into one of the band director's offices during Orchestra one day and he told me the news, I just about peed my pants. In a good way. So even though I had been planning on going into Symphonic Band so as to keep up with Baritone, I agreed to make the switch. Thing is, I'm a bass, so there's only one in the section, and if I don't take the spot now, I may not have another chance in my High School careeer. That and I have no idea who would replace me, as one bass is doing SWE and can't fit it in his schedule and the other doesn't want to. :/ But the second time i talked to the band director, after talking to my Japanese teacher, he said that another conflict had arisen, and if there was one more, that they would have to move Jazz 2 back to 7th period. Somehow, they ended up with four onesie classes 6th period next year, which is bound to cause schedule conflicts: Japanese 2, Jazz 2, Chinese 5, and Chinese 6. So hopefully somebody else has a problem, otherwise I hafta make a really hard decision...

A decision I don't want to make, because I can't really drop Japanese. We're the last class of the language - there's no Japanese 1 next year. If anybody falls behind, the teacher doesn't know what she's going to do. But that also means I couldn't stay back and go to 2 my junior year (Which I wouldn't really want to do anyways), and I mean I'm pretty good at Japanese, but there's no way in heck I could learn enough over the summer to get into 3 next year... :/ And I really like the language, so I'd rather not pick another one and have to start all over from scratch, rather than building on what I already know. 

But let's be positive! Somebody else is GOING to have a conflict, so they'll HAVE to change it! Yeah! Positive! Now I forget the other thing I was sad about! 

Oh wait I remember.

So on top of that stress-ness, Finals are next week. And this past Friday was, as I've said the last orch concert. So these are like hte last couple days I'll see a lot of these people, especially the seniors, which makes me sad. And I haven't been eating much. :/ Idk if it's from stress or something, but I just haven't been hungry. And when I do feel hungry, it's not like a normal kind of hungry, but more like this weird stomach feeling (I know I'm so specific) but if I don't eat it just goes away and I'm not hungry anymore so I kinda haven't been eating cause I hate forcing myself to when I don't feel hungry... Which I guess is good cause it might help the other reason I kinda feel like crap, which is kind of my main second emo-face complaint thing. 

So this guy I've liked for a long time... CS. (Certan Someone, get it? ;o I'm too pro at abbreviations) He's really cool, I like him a lot. But he's always around girls, who are pretty much just his friends. But there's this one girl that hangs around him in orch (the only time I really see him) that... I dunno. It's weird. I'll look across the room at him and he'll be doing whatever and it's fine and then that girl walks over and I feel inferior. And I'm nothing more than friends with this guy, but I always feel like I'm less than these girls who hang around him, and it's all because they're these petite, cute little skinny Asian girls and welll.... I'm not. :/ BMI-wise, I'm a little under-weight, actually, but compared to these other girls I feel like a big fatty. And I hate it. Even when I'm having a good day, I take one glance at them when they're near CS and suddenly my day's a shitty one. 

Sigh.... Think positive?

-Izzy